“Hope” Less in Arkansas

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Nestled a short twenty-five miles from the Texas border lie a tiny, little town filled with simple folks, sub-par dining options, and more watermelons than you can shake a stick at. I stayed at the finest hotel in town, which turned out to be a dilapidated Holiday Inn Express. However, I was quickly reminded, by the homely hotel staff, that we were in the best location in town. As this hotel is physically located in the parking lot of Hope, Arkansas’ most popular stomping ground- Walmart…

After the five hour cruise, I was ready for a drink. How lucky I was, then, to be so conveniently located to Walmart. Of course, even without the help of liquor, my eagerness quickly washed away. I walked past isle after isle, clearly looking for something. Not one of the myriad of employees or, as they prefer, “associates” offered me any help, though I clearly looked hopelessly lost. Finally, I concluded, I would need to approach someone on my own volition, as I track down these beverages. At a checkout counter, I met with a dim and very unfriendly young man. “Where do you keep the liquor?” I asked.

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Buy My Books!

SMASHWORDS

storms

 

I’m fucking with you! Just read it. “Storms Much Stronger” is available for free download, on both SmashWords and Lulu. It was my first novella, and this is the 10 year anniversary. Have at it, friends. Unfortunately, whichever site you choose requires you to sign up for an account, but it is free and they don’t solicit. I recommend using Lulu, because the e-book is delivered directly to your e-mail, and can be opened easily in iBooks.

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“One Big Hell House” An Adventure Game

Who says text-based video games went out in the 90’s? Not me. Play now @ http://philome.la/mrheathy/one-big-hell-house. Of course, if you were following me on twitter, you would already know this. 

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Like Satire? Here’s an Opportunity to Fund it!

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I have turned to Kickstarter, for a crowd-funding project that would lead to the broom review of this century. I know what a broom review needs! A broom review requires a fun attitude, mixed with honesty and integrity, as well as a host of brooms ripe for testing. Help make this dream a reality. All contributors will be formally acknowledged as contributors to this in-depth look at American brooms. The most financially supportive will receive special treatment. Damn, this sounds familiar. Oh, yeah. It must be that whole living America thing! It’s like campaign contributions,  but without any personal-gain incentives.

Either way, there’s a damn good chance that this is a worthwhile cause. Who wouldn’t spend $5 to save themselves from years of multiple, “shoddy” broom purchases? I’ve done extremely light research on contribution demographics. My passable studies have led to some astounding revelations. Supposed Fact: 100% of ISIS members do not support my campaign. So, who on Earth wouldn’t spend $5 on my campaign? ISIS. Be different… fuck, is that line taken? Okay, then. Just don’t be ISIS. There. Now, let’s make some fun!

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