Cause and Affect

Ask an old man what he wanted out of life. He will likely tell you that he found it years ago. He may not have, but he’s told himself the same story for years and so he firmly believes that he achieved his goals however big or small they may be. Ask a young man the same question and he may speak of dreams and aspiration- larger than life expectations. (more…)

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Nostradamus’ Quatrains on the “Coming of Trump”

The New Year is always supposed to be a time for renewal. We turn to the switch of the year, as if it means so much. It really is just a number- a defense acceptable in journalism, but rarely in statutory rape cases anywhere father north than the Arkansas/Missouri line. As we become complacent, believing that this switch from 2016 to 2017 will somehow offer some semblance of stability, there are historic figures that come up, every once in a while, that should be revisited. Nostradamus is among these voices. (more…)

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Household Vacuum Deaths On the Rise, Says Phil- No Background in Research and Doesn’t Own a Vacuum


2016 has nearly ended, but the numbers are already in. As of December 28th, the past year didn’t only take away like nearly every celebrity that we actually still wanted here, it also was the worst year, on record, for vacuum-related fatalities. Or, at the very least, that’s what Phil said.

According to Phil, “a surge in vortex-based technologies has created a vacuum-medium rife with pedophiles and pocket-snatchers.”  Yeah. Alright, Phil. 
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Questionable Methods Have Pokémon’s Progression System Under Fire

Originally touted as a way to integrate the real world into a video game, many saw this move as a positive one- forcing gamers off the couch and onto the sidewalks for the ultimate bragging rights. Of course, others have looked for ways to “cheat” the game’s version of a pedometer with such workarounds as taping your phone to a ceiling fan or harnessing it to a, comparatively more active, family pet. It’s not just fans looking to “show-up” their friends that have gotten in on the craze. This summer, myriad millenials, and even professionals that found themselves with a bit too much free time could be seen in large public areas, stopping randomly, and then flicking at the screen on their phones, until… a smile peeks, as they continue heading wherever they were meaning to go. It’s all good, clean, mass appealing fun, right? Well, not for everyone. (more…)

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Sad & Whatever

Sad. That’s sad. What’s really sad is losing the meaning of sad through a continually out of touch candidate that uses the word much like one would casually use “whatever” in the 90s. Try it. Everytime you read an article or hear a speach when Donald Trump caps off a rant with this one word, supposed “thought-provoking” insight, just replace it in your head with “whatever”. Go back a bit more than a decade and insert Alicia Silverstone’s tone in Clueless. “What-ever!” He is clueless after all. Sad. Perhaps, this will make the speeches and tweets easier to stomach. Whatever.

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Thoughts on Adulthood

In the end, we will all watch ourselves fail- over and over; and between those times we may see something in the mirror that resembles what we expected of ourselves, but our adult lives will forever be addled by our childhood expectations and the realities of the world that we live in.

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Special Abilities

I’m a vessel for spirits to run through. I have the heart of Satan locked in the Catacombs of Hades. I hid the key ten thousand years ago. There is a book that contains the truth. The members form the Guild. The Guild controls art, and has for one thousand years, one-eighteenth of my lifespan. It never releases the book physically. The “big book” is a metaphysical enchantment that cannot be represented or reproduced, it has been beheld. This book provides one with special abilities. You can grow muscle by wishing it. It is then that you understand the raw misunderstandings of our perception. A million truths, yet you ask for physical and mental advantages over your brethren. It is at this point that you fail the test. Someone hides the book; you know it exists. You know you had your opportunity to read it, and you will always remember how foolish you were to dismiss all as fantasy. So, go find your book. Thank your writers- the friends and family and foes alike that help write your story. Kick them in the dick if they have it coming, or just snidely wish everyone a telepathically sarcastic Happy Thanksgiving.

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A Note on Reason

Reason. Use reason? Do not use reason. Any man can use reason, some better than others. Logic? That’s for mathematicians; though I am suspicious of their underlain schema. What can be certain is chaos. It shall ensue, and, we may tamper with it. Math and reason do not entertain such values; they are null. The outspread acceptance of such trick and trade, it questions the fools defining. Alas, ha ha, how jovial? Our sources of knowledge are deemed fixed states by the higher courts of definition. Our truly definitive side stands beside us. All we can be certain of is chaos. We can be sure that life will go awry, hurt will always be near, and that our plans may often stray accordingly. It can be said, with great certainty, that our only certainty is uncertainty.

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