Nostradamus’ Quatrains on the “Coming of Trump”

The New Year is always supposed to be a time for renewal. We turn to the switch of the year, as if it means so much. It really is just a number- a defense acceptable in journalism, but rarely in statutory rape cases anywhere father north than the Arkansas/Missouri line. As we become complacent, believing that this switch from 2016 to 2017 will somehow offer some semblance of stability, there are historic figures that come up, every once in a while, that should be revisited. Nostradamus is among these voices.

When the towers came down, we recounted his predictions. They were stunningly timely. Were they a bit vague? Yes, this can certainly be argued. What about the predictions of World War II? It was alarming how accurate they were. So much so that Nostradamus’ books were banned from public libraries in the United States, along with books that portrayed the horrors (the truths) of war, or presented religions outside of Christianity in anything other than a negative light. In short, when something is pulled from the shelves there is, more often than not, much more to the words within than meets the eye. So, we will look at the words from Nostradamus’ tenth revelation, the perils that lie before us, and the uncanny connections that can be found that relate to Trump’s accent to the throne of one of the world’s few superpowers.

“Never times so bitter”. It certainly resonates, doesn’t it? Many cried that day. Whether it be the women he had groped that came forward, shortly before election day; or his wife, who has been known to use the lady’s room stalls for crying, regularly, every time they have a dinner together. Even the electoral college, created to “stack-the-deck” had some weapy participants when, for the first time in three decades, it didn’t work the way they constructed it to.

“The walls were turned from brick to marble.” Trump has made a living off of turning low-income housing projects into high-class condominiums. It’s no secret that he has financed businesses to cater to the wealthy, in otherwise uninhabitable blocks along New York’s upper-east side. He has encouraged the well-off from neighboring states to drop their Manhattan metro properties for a stake in new developments. Sources, speaking under agreed upon anonymity, have informed us that “condo association stake-holders” are offered transferable rights to five subsidized housing units upon commitment to relocation. Bricks to marble, indeed.

“The entire Senate will be under his hand”. Absolutely. Who has more power over the senate? Well, the senate majority leader. But, who influences policy, pay… dare we say, the illusion of good constitution? While the president, for all intents and purposes, is an ambassador for the country, his conviction carries much weight in the senate. It superceeds the House of Representatives, a sect of government held much more accountable than the former.

“He will be vexed by a rash scoundrel”. Yes, he has been referred to as a scoundrel; and, for a moment, we are getting off of Trump- a move that usually results in non-payment, divorce, or death threats to a Russian hooker’s family members. Bernie Sander’s is our scoundrel. He will be back in 2020, as pissed off as ever, ready to vex this curse that changed his name, put the new one on everything, and still has the gull to dispute birth certificates. Yours DOES NOT say Donald J. Trump, you dick.

“Never was there one so wicked as he.” We try to be somewhat objective, so you can go ahead and turn this one around in your head, however you feel fitting. See what you come up with. While it may feel right to embrace the new president, in the name of patriotism, nepotism, ignorance, or living in a crack house, it is never acceptable to blindly follow. 

For Russian hookers, it isn’t a choice, but for the citizens of these great states, it is. Accept this prediction and allow the vexation. Also, don’t let your daughters get involved with the republican part until they are at least 35. Trump is bound to pull a Bill Clinton, so keep your loved ones close but not “Ivanka Trump” close. That’s just awkward for everybody.

-Contributed by Jackie Coime