Charlie Sheen New Years Resolution Interview 2017


Our intrepid young field reporter, Daniel, had a moment to catch up with Hollywood celebrity, Charlie Sheen. We don’t usually get opportunities like this, but apparently they have the same dealer, so we got lucky.

DB: Nice to finally meet you.

CS: God dammit, how many fuckin’ times do I have to do this? Shit, pull it together, man.

DB: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.

CS: It’s not you.

(CHARLIE STARES AT CEILING FOR FIVE MINUTES. DANIEL DIDN’T SAY A WORD.)

CS: It’s them.

DB: Got any New Years plans?

CS: Not get aids! Oops! Fucked that up. Like I fuck up everything I touch- or fuck.

DB: On a lighter note, man, I heard you were sobering up. You did an interview with 20/20 and said that you had a new outlook, new clarity on life. Would you care to expand on that?

CS: Look, dude. I say a lot of stupid shit when I’m high and sometimes the stupid shit I say high is about how I’m not getting high.

That’s all we were able to get so, thank you, Daniel, for that bang-up job. Great work “getting the real answers” and “controlling the interview.”

Arranged by Jared Knox with interview by Daniel who can’t seem to do one damn thing right.